Selfish
by Polymoly
Summary: Naminé POV; AU : Is it really selfish of me to want him smile for me forever?


_It's my first ever fanfiction to be published! ***cheers*** It was written based on __Naminé__'s point of view;_

_Please excuse my poor grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm not so good at those.  
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_I hope you enjoy my little dribble. _

_**Disclaimer** : I don't own Kingdom Hearts and its characters. But I own the plot story. :)  
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****Selfish**

_BlueNobody_

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It wasn't long since I had like you.

If you asked me, 'What do you like about him?'; well, I couldn't answer that. It wasn't that I had no answer, but I had so many answers that I couldn't even choose one. Of course he's nice-- correction; _very_ nice, smart, and most of all, he's my best friend.

Yes, I know the old phrasing of 'in love with your best friend'. It was getting old. Mind you, I tried to shake these feelings off. I don't like it at all when I liked somebody. It made you uncomfortable talking and interacting with the person whom you're in love with; in my case that is.

Thinking to my self like this made me hungry. I glanced at my watch and it was almost 10 A.M. Yeah, it was almost time for lunch; and time for me to go and see him.

I tried to at least concentrate my eyes for the last few minutes, but my eyes seemed so heavy. I saw one of my bright friend, Selphie was writing notes in her book. How could she be awake at times like this? I also noticed many of my friends were sleepy, and some were even asleep.

"The class is over. Make sure to do your homework. Class is dismissed," said our teacher. I went off taking my lunch box and my drinking bottle; and sprinted off my class. It was already a habit of mine to visit Kairi every break time. We usually sat around eating while chatting various things. Kairi is a great person to hang out with.

But the reason why I went to Kairi's class wasn't only for Kairi, it was actually because I wanted to see Roxas' face. Kairi and Roxas are both my best friends. They didn't exactly knew each other back then. I knew Kairi since the sixth grade and I was introduced to Roxas in the eighth grade. So you see, they were apparently strangers to each other back then.

Roxas always tells me who his current crush is. Always. I had been his best friend for a year and he was crushing on every good-quality girls in school. I was always suggesting Roxas to go on Kairi. They are perfectly match for some reasons; they are both nice and are good friends. Plus, Kairi's good qualities definitely qualified for Roxas' type of girl. But recently, he didn't want to tell me the person that he liked. It was odd. Usually, when I asked him that question, he instantly told me the truth and discussed about it.

He honestly said he liked somebody; but didn't told me who it was. I tried guessing the person like I usually did, and he was okay with that; he even said that he would admitted if I guessed correctly. But every time I guessed he always said 'wrong', I even guessed Kairi. The only hint I knew was that the person he liked was my best friend; a very close friend of mine. I never did guess right until today. The person was still a mystery.

Oh yeah, if you had been guessing that Roxas was the boy I mentioned earlier, you are correct.

I reached the door's handles and peeked into the class. It was quite empty, as usual. Only several students were there and I saw Kairi in the corner of the class. Apparently, she was doing her homework. And then on the other side of the room, I saw Roxas with a pack of his friends working on their homework as well.

I wanted to ask Roxas so badly why he wasn't at school for the past two days. To be really honest, I was very worried about him. I even prayed for his safety every day to make sure. But again, I had no courage to ask him that. He was at school yesterday, and I was disappointed with my self because I hadn't ask him anything about his absence. So today, I planned a goal to my self to ask him at school.

Well, here was my chance and I didn't see the courage coming.

I went in and hurried my self to Kairi's desk as I avoid my gaze from Roxas. You probably think it's funny that I want to see Roxas but when I see him, I tried to run away from his gaze. You're not wrong though, I think I'm weird as well. Again, pathetic.

"Hey Kairi," I said to the red-haired girl in front of me.

"Oh, Hello Namine! Have a seat here" said Kairi while pointing at a desk beside her. I nodded my head and proceed to sit in the desk beside her. It was quite for a while, only the sound of me, chewing my lunch was heard. I tried to chew it as silent as I could.

"Finish!" Kairi said finally satisfied with her work. She took her food from her bag and joined with me eating our lunch together. For a while, we were chatting about the teachers, projects, classes, and many other random things.

After getting lost with the topic, I had a sudden courage to ask Roxas about his absence the other day. I wandered off the class and saw Roxas sitting idly in his chair with his friend. After building for what little courage I had in my head, I braved my self to ask him _the _question. It was probably hilarious if you taped this event unconsciously in your head.

"Roxas," my voice was strangely unfamiliar in my head, "Why are you absent in the past few days?" I was proud to see that I can pronounce every syllable correct.

"Oh that," he laughed inauthentically. It was not normal that he would laugh in that manner. Usually, he always laughs wholeheartedly and by natural, his smiling face was beautiful. But now, I think he was forcing himself to laugh, "I was having a stomachache at home. It was terrible. I have to go to the bathroom all the time.." said Roxas.

"Oh. It's good to see you back," with that, I put a small smile on my face and left him. I hurried my self to the bath room after that. I don't know why, but I suddenly had the urge to go to the bathroom. Maybe I ate too much icing on the cake that my mom brought for me. While washing my hands, I was having a sudden flash back on Roxas' face previously. It wasn't genuine. It was undoubtedly forced.

I tried to entertain my self that it wasn't true and continued on walking to Kairi's class. Just before I could call Kairi's name, I saw her and Roxas talking and laughing together.

Roxas was laughing wholeheartedly this time.

I couldn't back away nor confronted them that time. I was stunned and all I could do was stared at them. It was very quick, but I could see Roxas' real smile when he was talking to Kairi. I silently walked to my class after seeing that moment.

Honestly, I don't know whether I should be sad or happy.

For some times, I was always suggesting Roxas to choose Kairi as his next crush, but his reason was always 'didn't know the girl' or 'unfamilliar'. But this time, I think my efforts wasn't going to be a waste after all. If he were to like Kairi, I had no objections with it. They are, as I was mentioned before, perfect for each other.

But the question is, must I be sad about it?

Seeing your crush liking another girl is tough; especially if it is your best friend. To be honest, my heart disappointed me when seeing those two talking. I felt a sudden tear in my heart. It was as though as they were striking me with their invisible arrows.

On the other hand, seeing both of my best friends happy is the most wonderful thing any person would want to see, ever.

Myself was no exception. I love making my friends happy; laughing and smiling in their faces. It was like doing so many deeds in one. It really made you feel good.

Was that selfish of me; to see my friends smile everyday? I was forcing them to smile for _me. _If you even searched for its meaning, it can always be categorized as selfish. So then, I was confusing my self with these questions; if I were to force him to be mine, it was selfish of me. But then, to let go of him as long as he smiles everyday was also selfish of me.

So, what was the right thing to do?

I don't want to be selfish.

So then, when I sat at my class, I decided to be happy; instead of answering my insoluble imaginary questions. Being happy is just the best option at the moment. When Roxas' face popped into my head, I wanted to see his smile; his genuine smile.

If Kairi was the one who could make him smile genuinely everyday, then I wouldn't mind letting go of my feelings for them.

Then a sudden realization struck me; I _am_ selfish.

Even for the first time when I asked him questions about his feelings, it was selfish of me.

I know it's wrong, but who doesn't?

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_Thank you for your time to read my story! I hope you enjoyed this._

_Please review if you have the time. _:)

*_BlueNobody_


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